Well there’s nothing like a fresh scandal to divert unwanted attention somewhere new. I’m no longer the pariah de jour. Today we had a big surprise school meeting. There is always one kind of meeting or another; usually ending with lost in translation/tower of Babel acrimony, but today is special. It is a whole school meeting. The lower, middle, and high schools are all being brought together by Mr. Gardiner to address some concerns that have been brought to light. These concerns mainly stem from the fact that it is being alleged that he is mismanaging the school. Better yet, some parents are stating that he has received his accreditation from a cereal box. A lot of people still avoid me, but Mavis has started talking to me again and as we sat on folding metal chairs in the freezing cold elementary gymnasium the buzz of rumour was all around us.
“I hear that there has been some sort of coup within the board of directors. They want his head.”
“…he never went to college…”
“…they can’t do that….”
“…did you see what he was wearing yesterday? I like….”
“… but his wife is the one who really pissed them off…”
“…I think it’s a beagle…”
“…his head is on the block and he knows it….”
“…I prefer a sharper cheese…”
“What do you think Mavis?”
“It’s not what I think, it’s what is. Here’s the deal. The board that runs this school, runs this school. Period. They’re a hodgepodge of bigwig business people, crooks, b-grade politicos and bored billionaire housewives. For some reason, this school carries some kind of prestige for these lowlifes. It’s like wearing Tommy Hilfiger to them. They don’t care if it’s a piece of garbage; it’s the name, the brand that counts. They fight like mongrels at the dump to be at the top of this shitpile.”
“So what does that have to do with Gardiner?”
“Gardiner threw in his lot with the wrong crew of shitheads. He made the wrong friends. See, they elect the board every two years. He got his information wrong and sided with the wrong team. Now that this crew is in, they want him out.”
“Because he’s an idiot?”
“Come on Gerry. You’ve been here long enough. They’re happy to have a moron as a figurehead.”
“But why axe him then? If you want a moron as a figurehead you couldn’t do better than Gardiner.”
“Vengeance. He was against them. He needs to be axed. Period.”
A squeal of feedback announced Gardiner stepping up to the microphone. He tapped it several times nervously, immaculately turned in cream colored pants, dark jacket, and tie. After clearing his throat, he began to speak, reading with his head down from the crisp pages of a prepared speech.
“Good morning to everyone. I’m glad that you could all be here, even if the reason for my having called this meeting brings me great sadness. Today I am overcome with enormous grief and worry for the way events have transpired at the School and by the people who would have me abandon my position and retreat from the field. As some of you may already know, we face a new and unfortunate threat which has just materialized…”
“We?” Mavis hissed in my ear.
“Yesterday, members of the board of directors and their legal team promoted the signing of a petition by the parents of the school community with their intention being to, and I quote, “to enforce the retirement from his position at the Medellin Academy Mr. Gardiner and as a consequence, to cease payment immediately for services rendered.” In short they want me to abandon you, to leave you alone and at the mercy of a group of people who are hostile to your interests. Let me make it clear. My interest lies in this fine school and in you, the fine teachers we have hand picked for the valuable work you do. Ladies and Gentlemen. I was selected by means of an honest, transparent, and participative process. I was invited to arrive at this school to collaborate in forming a rigorous system of academic achievement, personal excellence, and strong values. I now stand before you, laid low…”
Glancing over at Mavis, her head was down and her shoulders were shaking. It was catching. I felt like I was back in grade 5.
“…I am now being unjustly attacked. I have been smeared and harassed. My integrity has been slandered and my good name raked through the muck. I came to this school with nothing but the best of intentions and the most honorable ideals. Now, it is my darkest hour. I am beset by jackals that are attacking my flanks and nipping at my heels…”
Mavis jabbed me in the ribs, her face red with contained laughter. It was infectious. I was starting to lose it.
“…I implore you, my noble colleagues and most worthy fellow educators, to take the side of righteousness and to aid me in striking down my enemies who would have me destroyed….
By now, Gardiner’s voice was wavering, thick with a torrent of emotion bubbling to the surface. It wasn’t until this point that I noticed his wife in the first row, wringing her hands and beaming up at her man.
“…And light shall prevail over darkness. And with your help I will see to it that the ways of the evildoers do not go unpunished…”
It was around this point that the buzz of whispering and quiet commentary stopped. The room became eerily quiet, except for the reverberating voice of the impassioned and increasingly improvisational Mr. Gardiner, the content of his speech becoming more and more fire and brimstone. Looking around, I saw much the same expression on all of the faces in the room: a frightened sort of confusion. The sort of look people have when a stranger starts convulsing in front of them.
“…And as my witnesses I am here to tell you that righteousness will triumph in this struggle that we face against those who would oppress us. Do not lose heart in these dark times my friends. Together, we shall overcome!!!”
Evidently, this was the finale. Mrs. Gardiner jumped to her feet, applauding wildly. The two hands sounded like a squirrel tap dancing on the roof. The rest of the echoing hall was silent. Gardiner peered up from his stylish black rimmed reading glasses. As the patter of his wife’s applause faded away, he had the good sense to simply return to his seat. The stage was left empty. The staff started whispering and mumbling amongst themselves, nobody sure what to do. The Spanish speaking teachers, having absolutely no idea what had just been said looked worried. For all they knew everybody had just been fired or Iran and Israel had just started World War Three. In the deafening silence Gardiner and his wife got up and hobbled out of the gymnasium by the side door nearest their seats. The staff remained seating, stunned for a moment, and then the hall exploded. The bewildered staff of the Medellin Academy, a confused, disorderly, and highly vocal mob, clamored for the exits.
Mavis and I remained sitting. We didn’t speak until long after the last of the voices had faded from the gym. I was the first to speak.
“That was pretty creepy.”
“Yeah.”
“How long have you been here again?”
“This is my third year.”
“So you came back voluntarily?”
“I wouldn’t exactly say that.”
We sat again for a long time, lost in our own thoughts, looking at the empty stage.
“Must have been some pretty big reason to bring you back here.”
“Yeah.”
“What are you doing tonight?”
“Something.”
“Can I join you?”
“Suit yourself.”
“I’ll call you later then.”
Mavis grunted an acknowledgement, lost in her own thoughts. The shriek of my metal chair echoed in the empty cavern. I looked over my shoulder at the door to see Mavis, head down, deep inside herself adrift in an empty sea of empty chairs.
